Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
People Suck
For the umpteenth time in, I don't know, a week, I found myself at Lowes with Ann and the kid. The weather's getting warm--it's currently 75 degrees--so Ann wanted to buy and plant some rose bushes. And while our poor checkout experience was worthy of a blog entry in and of itself, I'd rather make talk about something else.
But before I begin, I want to say that I'm not a PETA freak. I eat meat and to a lot of other things they may not like. So once you read this, let's not skirt the issue by telling me I'm a carnivore--that's completely irrelevant.
At any rate...
An Open Letter to Those Who Leave Their Pets in Cars on Hot Days
Okay, listen up, you diphthong. You are miserable fuck that shouldn't even own a dog. You obviously don't know enough about them to take care of them properly.
Case in point: dogs can't sweat, you unforgiving asshole. That's why they pant--they don't have much of a choice when it comes to cooling down. They are also covered in fur which probably makes them wish they could sweat since their fuckhead of a master left them to FUCKING DIE OF HEAT EXHAUSTION IN A MERCEDES-BENZ M-CLASS WHILE WAITING FOR THEM TO BUY A FUCKING BAG OF TURF BUILDER AT GODDAMN LOWES. Well, at least they'll suffer in luxury.
There's no doubt about it: you are a fucking moron. And before you say, "But I left a window open for them," that does not provide adequate ventilation. For shits and giggles, why don't you wrap youself in duct tape and sit in that car for, I don't know, 5 minutes--without water or better yet, your venti Frapuccino from Starbucks? How well will you fare, Biff Macho or Soccer Mom Suzie? And here's a thought: ever see a dog wagging its tail while they are inside a hot car? No? It's probably because they do that WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY. They tend to droll and get a bit skittish when their insides are being cooked like a piece of Sizzlean. Drive around with the heat on all the way in the middle of summer and you'll only begin to scratch the surface on what your dog feels like trapped in that car.
I just don't understand the reasoning behind this. If you needed to take them somewhere, do what you had to to first and then take them, for shit's sake. But no, for the sake of convenience, you'd rather let them sit in a parked car in the middle of FUCKING SUMMER where temperatures can GET AS HIGH AS 120 DEGREES in as little as 15 MINUTES on a hot day. There's just no excuse for this and absolutely no defense. Complete assholes, the whole lot of you.
So to whoever does this--you know who you are--I ask that you please not bring any children into this world. They don't have a snowball's chance with an idiot like you as their parent.
If you do have kids, I hope you can explain to they why their best friend Buttons had to do to Doggie Heaven so soon. Have that explanation handy, sparky. You'll need it sooner than you think. And when that dog gets to Heaven, I hope they give them a fire hydrant with your picture on it so they can take one of those long pisses on you for all eternity.
And when you get to Hell, I hope they lock you in a car--with the heat on and windows up. Stupid fucker.
But before I begin, I want to say that I'm not a PETA freak. I eat meat and to a lot of other things they may not like. So once you read this, let's not skirt the issue by telling me I'm a carnivore--that's completely irrelevant.
At any rate...
An Open Letter to Those Who Leave Their Pets in Cars on Hot Days
Okay, listen up, you diphthong. You are miserable fuck that shouldn't even own a dog. You obviously don't know enough about them to take care of them properly.
Case in point: dogs can't sweat, you unforgiving asshole. That's why they pant--they don't have much of a choice when it comes to cooling down. They are also covered in fur which probably makes them wish they could sweat since their fuckhead of a master left them to FUCKING DIE OF HEAT EXHAUSTION IN A MERCEDES-BENZ M-CLASS WHILE WAITING FOR THEM TO BUY A FUCKING BAG OF TURF BUILDER AT GODDAMN LOWES. Well, at least they'll suffer in luxury.
There's no doubt about it: you are a fucking moron. And before you say, "But I left a window open for them," that does not provide adequate ventilation. For shits and giggles, why don't you wrap youself in duct tape and sit in that car for, I don't know, 5 minutes--without water or better yet, your venti Frapuccino from Starbucks? How well will you fare, Biff Macho or Soccer Mom Suzie? And here's a thought: ever see a dog wagging its tail while they are inside a hot car? No? It's probably because they do that WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY. They tend to droll and get a bit skittish when their insides are being cooked like a piece of Sizzlean. Drive around with the heat on all the way in the middle of summer and you'll only begin to scratch the surface on what your dog feels like trapped in that car.
I just don't understand the reasoning behind this. If you needed to take them somewhere, do what you had to to first and then take them, for shit's sake. But no, for the sake of convenience, you'd rather let them sit in a parked car in the middle of FUCKING SUMMER where temperatures can GET AS HIGH AS 120 DEGREES in as little as 15 MINUTES on a hot day. There's just no excuse for this and absolutely no defense. Complete assholes, the whole lot of you.
So to whoever does this--you know who you are--I ask that you please not bring any children into this world. They don't have a snowball's chance with an idiot like you as their parent.
If you do have kids, I hope you can explain to they why their best friend Buttons had to do to Doggie Heaven so soon. Have that explanation handy, sparky. You'll need it sooner than you think. And when that dog gets to Heaven, I hope they give them a fire hydrant with your picture on it so they can take one of those long pisses on you for all eternity.
And when you get to Hell, I hope they lock you in a car--with the heat on and windows up. Stupid fucker.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
It's Been a Year!
Has it really been a year since I started this blog? Yes, it has. Here's my first post. 96 posts, including this one, and 1,512 hits. Not bad I guess.
But enough of that. Today Ann and I decided to inflate the pool we got last year at Target on clearance (regular $29.99, clearance for $7.48--I rule!) It's one of those three-ringer jobs that can hold about three people. The problem was that although I'm full of hot air, there was no possible way for me to fill it with my own oxygen.
So I went and asked my neighbor if he had a compressor. He said he did, but that it overheated when he inflated his pool which is smaller than ours.
Then Ann had an idea. She wondered if the Shop-Vac was also a blower as some of them used to be. We checked and no, it didn't blow.
At that point is when it hit me. Last year for Christmas, Ann's dad gave me a leaf blower/sucker. We have a huge tree in front of the house and it makes a mess in the fall, so that's why he got it for me.
The mother of invention strikes again!
I plugged the blower in, Ann removed the plugs from the pool, and I let it rip. We had that pool inflated in--literally--30 seconds.
But it took at least an hour to fill it! The next time we do it, I'll take pics. It's kinda funny. Maybe I'll shoot a video for shits and giggles.
But enough of that. Today Ann and I decided to inflate the pool we got last year at Target on clearance (regular $29.99, clearance for $7.48--I rule!) It's one of those three-ringer jobs that can hold about three people. The problem was that although I'm full of hot air, there was no possible way for me to fill it with my own oxygen.
So I went and asked my neighbor if he had a compressor. He said he did, but that it overheated when he inflated his pool which is smaller than ours.
Then Ann had an idea. She wondered if the Shop-Vac was also a blower as some of them used to be. We checked and no, it didn't blow.
At that point is when it hit me. Last year for Christmas, Ann's dad gave me a leaf blower/sucker. We have a huge tree in front of the house and it makes a mess in the fall, so that's why he got it for me.
The mother of invention strikes again!
I plugged the blower in, Ann removed the plugs from the pool, and I let it rip. We had that pool inflated in--literally--30 seconds.
But it took at least an hour to fill it! The next time we do it, I'll take pics. It's kinda funny. Maybe I'll shoot a video for shits and giggles.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Not Bad...
You might recall my post on January 9, 2005 in which I decided to start a diet. While I kept results for a while then I suddenly stopped. I felt as if things were going well, so why bother?
That was 6 months and about 7 days ago.
Today I had to go to the doctor as I'd been wheezing for a few days after my cold had subsided. After the nurse weighed me, I asked her to check the chart to compare my weight to the previous visit.
I was 15 pounds lighter, so that means even if I fell of the truck and went back into my former eating habits, I still managed to keep 15 pounds off over 6 months.
I'm happy about that. Very happy. But I need to stay with it and not let that get to my head. So I guess I'll be back on the Ab Lounger soon.
Oh, and we're headed to the OC Fair tonight for the second time, sans Anthony. Think he had a good time last time? Check it out:
And if you want to see a great, free show, I'd recommend the Peking Acrobats. Pretty amazing.
That was 6 months and about 7 days ago.
Today I had to go to the doctor as I'd been wheezing for a few days after my cold had subsided. After the nurse weighed me, I asked her to check the chart to compare my weight to the previous visit.
I was 15 pounds lighter, so that means even if I fell of the truck and went back into my former eating habits, I still managed to keep 15 pounds off over 6 months.
I'm happy about that. Very happy. But I need to stay with it and not let that get to my head. So I guess I'll be back on the Ab Lounger soon.
Oh, and we're headed to the OC Fair tonight for the second time, sans Anthony. Think he had a good time last time? Check it out:
And if you want to see a great, free show, I'd recommend the Peking Acrobats. Pretty amazing.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
I'm Back!
There was a post on June 29 called "Glad I'm Healthy...." Well, it should be pointed out that I'm not as healthy as I thought I was.
As was mentioned in that post, Anthony and Ann were sick and I had to take a few days off of work to care for them. So you can only guess what happened on July 4th, right? I started to get sick, and it lasted the entire week. And I'm still a bit wheezy.
That explains my lack of posts lately. But I'll be back--there's plenty to talk about--later.
As was mentioned in that post, Anthony and Ann were sick and I had to take a few days off of work to care for them. So you can only guess what happened on July 4th, right? I started to get sick, and it lasted the entire week. And I'm still a bit wheezy.
That explains my lack of posts lately. But I'll be back--there's plenty to talk about--later.
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